Often we recognize that even though we do not want to be like our parents (especially their weakness), we grow up to be just like them. As if there is a generational curse, the very things that we dislike about our parents, (popular complaints are that they shouted at their children, did not spend time, ...) we are likely to do unto our own children.

But this tendency extends further. When we dislike our mates for various shortcomings, we will in time develop those same things.

I don't know if the correlation simply arise as Huygen's correlated clocks, in which mechanical systems tend to resonant with each other. But no matter what, the very things from those close to us, or even our enemies, that consumes us and eating our hearts out, are likely to be growing inside us as well.

Perhaps this is the reason that Bible asks us to love our enemies, to not hold anger when the sun goes down. If we hold anything negative in our hearts, we are likely to let them grow inside us.

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